The Anti-Morning Routine

If you're a fellow blogger or you just read a lot of blogs (like I do) you'll have noticed the influx of "perfect morning routine" posts over the last few years. Quite often, they contain advice that no normal human could possibly adhere to all the time:

• Wake up at 5 am every single morning and drink a giant glass of lemon water!
• Spend no less than 30 minutes meditating!
• Eat a nutritional breakfast - admittedly, this one is probably a good idea...
• Practice gratitude (spend 10 minutes journaling about what you're thankful for)!
• Go for a brisk walk or twist your way through an entire yoga practice!
• Read at least five pages of a book or newspaper!
• Style your hair and wear a full face of natural looking makeup!
• Check your emails and get a jump start on the day!

I'm not a morning person by nature and believe me, I've tried to change that several times. Weeks would go by where I tried desperately to stick to a prescribed morning routine and join the legions of other successful people somehow naturally waking up with the sunrise only to eventually cave into my desire to hit snooze five more times. I would spend my Sunday evenings meal prepping healthy breakfast options and make sure they were in easy reach while pouring the required amount of coffee to kick my brain into gear and without fail I would decide I just wasn't hungry enough to sit down and load up on oats or quinoa.

Even if I did manage to pry my limbs out of bed and blink confusedly at the coffee maker before 6 am, I had absolutely no motivation whatsoever to read, journal, or even stretch - let alone roll out my yoga mat and yawn through downward facing dog. I just didn't have it in me and when morning routines never got any easy or more bearable, I felt like a failure. I couldn't do what all the other successful folks were doing...what was wrong with me?

It turns out, I'm not the only one. Marina Koren wrote an article for The Atlantic titled The False Promise of Morning Routines, describing this new trend of publishing one's morning ritual as just another cog in the self-help machine pushing the message that a perfectly choreographed morning is the key to a productive day. Koren also reads this stuff obsessively, searching for one tip or trick to elevate her morning from fly out the door after feeding the cat to achieving the coveted air of "having it all together." And like me, she also winds up feeling terrible. What's so great about being an early-bird anyway?

Here's a theory: the morning is considered sacred. It's the only time you might have to yourself before clocking into work. It's that brief chunk of time that belongs to you before the world clamors in to get a piece of your attention. It's you time. And while that seems to track, I can't help but scan through all these lofty morning rituals and think they're awfully performative. It's one thing if you want to wake up at the butt crack of dawn to give yourself a full facial, but quite another if you feel like you have to in order to keep up in the name of self-optimization.

Or, y'know, if you want to throw your own morning routine blog post into the abyss with everyone else. But I'm not here to present an idealized version of what my morning ought to look like or even run you through what happens on a good day when I get up the first time my alarm goes off. I don't have a morning routine and frankly, I'm not sure I need one.

Instead, I am a proud supporter of having a solid nighttime routine. Like I said, I'm not a morning person but I will happily burn the midnight oil to make sure I can sleep in for a few extra minutes. This means getting my coffee portioned out the night before and checking that the auto function is set before turning off the kitchen lights. It also means laying out my outfit the night before and going through an extended skincare routine so I can zip past much of it the next morning. And of course, it's ensuring that my keys, shoes, and coat are in one easy to reach place when I do fly out the door on the way to the bus stop.

Sure, it's not optimized for Instagram but I suspect more of us experience a frenzied morning than we like to admit and that's okay. There are other pockets of time throughout the day to relax and recharge. There are other ways to maximize productivity, too.

The early bird gets the worm but the second mouse gets the cheese.