On the Cusp

"I love you," he says one night while we're snuggled on up the couch. And I freeze. Are you sure? I ask him. Why do you think so? I ask... I suppose the simple answer is that he simply does. That you can't always control how you feel about people and sometimes these things just happen. You wake up one morning and realize you love this person and you want to be with them for as long as you can, however you can.  I don't quite know how HE came to his little realization, but I dived headfirst in blatant denial. How could I possibly love anyone right now? I'm still fractured and healing from past relationship hurts. I have all this personal mental health drama going on. Excuses, really.  Because I do love him. How could I not? He's perfect for me and I've never, EVER, had anything so good before. I don't want to much that up.

It’s early when I wake, the filtered sun seeping past the blinds and the spritely chirping of birds tells me so. Ever so carefully, I lift my head to glance past him and see the time. 8:09 am. Early indeed. I shift a little beneath the covers, and my leg slides just a bit against his, but it’s enough. He takes a deep breath, and rolls towards me, hands reaching.  He’s still asleep, but just barely. And in that hesitant slumber, he wraps himself around me. It always happens like this - and it doesn't matter if I’m rolling over in bed to find the cold side of the pillow or trying to extricate myself to use the bathroom - as soon as I move, he’s reaching for me. I sometimes wonder if he’s afraid that he’ll wake up to discover I’m not there. Or not real. And subconsciously he clings to me to constantly be assured that I’m there with him. And then I wonder, is that somehow my fault? Am I too distant, too cold, too aloof? Do I give off the impression that I could disappear at any

No, no, this is a photo of dinner, one night. Yeah, be jealous. I eat good when I actually good.

My life, overall, is still in a state of flux - but at least I no longer need agonize over my love life. That seems remarkably stable now. A few weeks back I posted this self-indulgent little piece about my confusion regarding this boy. Tyler. I'm not sure if I was just feeling more insecure than usual but there was really no reason at all to doubt his feelings for me. I mean, the boy is pretty hopelessly enamored. I think I'm ready to tell the full, undisclosed story of how he and I came to be: About a week before Thanksgiving, last November, I broke up with my old boyfriend. He was an emotionally abusive twat with absolutely no aspirations in life and frankly, I deserved better. I told myself that it would be good to remain single for a while and figure out who I was on my own terms, unattached. You know? So what do I do? I go ahead and make an OkCupid dating profile. I wasn't really expecting to find anything, I think it was just my way of cementing the end o

Snagged this from The Midnight Ballroom , who found it via another excellent blog and figured I would give it my two cents. :)

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