Valentine's Outside the Binary

I don't know how many people know this about me, but Hi! I identify as non-binary - which is on the spectrum of trans identities and under the lovely LGBT umbrella - and I want to talk about something that vexes me a little bit. 

For LGBT+ folks, Valentine's Day can be a bit hard to navigate since so much of the imagery and marketing you see for this event is decidedly conventional, old-fashioned, sickeningly romantic and....almost exclusively heterosexual.

Just today I've seen three Valentine's Gift Guides (for Him and Her, of course) on different blogs I follow. Yes, I realize that if you are a girl dating a girl - the For Her section is perfectly appropriate to draw inspiration from as a gift guide and vice versa for men dating men - but if you fall outside that spectrum even a little - it's hard not to feel excluded and, pardon the pun, screwed.

It's even worse if you're, *le gasp!* single or on the aro/ace spectrum. Also....like myself. Yup, this is getting weirdly personal now.

So I'm here today to fill a much need gap in Valentine's Day Gift Guide Coverage and Date Ideas For The Less Than Heterosexual Couple/Friend Situation. That's a mouthful.

Let's get started.

Gender Neutral/Non-Sexual Gift Ideas: HERE, HERE, and HERE 

LGBT+ Themed Gift Ideas: HERE

This one's older but still solid for girls who like other girls: HERE

And one for the gents who fancy other gents: HERE


I know, I know - I didn't compile any of these myself, but I'm gonna be frank here and admit that I don't have that kind of time. I also don't exist in a relationship where we buy each other little gifts and stuff for cheesy Hallmark holidays, so I'm definitely not the person to ask!

Moving along, we've now come up with some ideas for what to get our sapphic lady-love, charming boy-toy, or ace date-mate for Valentine's Day, but what happens on the day itself?

If you'd like to be a little unconventional, try one of THESE. While this is probably not what Cosmo had intended with this article, some of the ideas HERE would be perfect for ace couples or pals, or even those who want affordable and fun but without all the implied O-T-T romantic pressure. Of course, you can always go out on the town with your significant other and engage in the entire dinner, drinks, movie shebang if you like or book a spa session together or anything else straight, cis couples might do, but this depends heavily on how out you both are and how safe your community is for queer couples.

Remember, there's nothing wrong with staying in, ordering pizza, and binge-watching your favorite Netflix series together. Valentine's is about celebrating love in all it's glorious forms....

Which brings me to the last segment of this ridiculous blog post:

Valentine's Day is Self-Love Day for my unattached aro/ace homies. That's right - today is all about you and loving yourself exactly as you are.

• Take a bubble bath with a glass of your favorite beverage and play some rad music.
• Dress up in all your favorite outfits and turn your hallway into a catwalk.
• Invite all your single friends over and show them how fabulous it is being with yourself.
• Go out to a museum and eat at a cute cafe alone; table of one always gets the window seat!
• Travel solo - pick a place in your state to visit and just go! 
• Bake a cake, or cupcakes, or maybe just bread - and eat it all by yourself. No sharing.
• Buy yourself a bunch of chocolates, flowers, and candy. You can even write little love notes to yourself.
• Take just yourself or a group of friends to a live show, concert, or movie.

There can be a lot of pressure to be romantic, to be attached, or to have sex around Valentine's Day and I want to let you know that you don't have to cave to that pressure or let it eat you alive. There's nothing wrong with you if romance, love, sex, etc just aren't your thing and you still deserve to have a great time on Valentine's Day. Everyone else is - why not?

What are your Valentine's Day plans this year? Are you single or taken? Or are you, like me, the type of to forget all about it until the day of? Let me know in the comments!