~ The Deep Questions ~ Tag

So I pulled this questionnaire off tumblr from user fuckyeahsurveys. So let's dive deep into some of our personal feelings and beliefs on a variety of thought-inducing questions.

Deep Questions

• 1. What is more difficult for you, looking into someones eyes when you are telling someone how you feel, or looking into someones eyes when they are telling you how they feel?

Oh, this is a tricky one. Eye contact is painfully uncomfortable for me anyhow but I would have to say it's more difficult when someone is telling me their feelings. Being on the receiving end of something like that makes me feel kind of powerless and at their mercy. If it was the other way around, I'd have control of the conversation and would be more confident. I think.

• 2. Think of the last time you were REALLY angry. WHY were you angry? Do you still feel the same way?

The last time I was really angry happened quite recently, actually. I was met with a barrage of insults and personal attacks late at night, many of which alluded to that person's desire for me to die horribly for my supposed "sins". I don't like being gaslit or yelled at, so I was angry. I'm angry a lot.

• 3. You are on a flight from Honolulu to Chicago non-stop. There is a fire in the back of the plane. You have enough time to make ONE phone call. Who do you call? What do you tell them?

For one, nowhere in this question is it implied that this is a death sentence. A fire on a plane is dangerous, but not automatically going to take a plane down. I'd trust the flight attendant staff to do their jobs and take care of the situation and rely on the pilot for instructions on what to do in the event the plane does have to go down...assuming the ocean since we're coming from Hawaii.

I'm not going to waste precious seconds on a phone call. I'm just not. 

• 4. You are at the doctor’s office and she/he has just informed you that you have approximately one month to live. Do you tell anyone/everyone you are going to die? What do you do with your remaining days? Would you be afraid?

The first thing I would do is seek a second and then third opinion to figure out my exact diagnosis and alternative treatment options if modern techniques aren't available. Just because someone says I'm going to die, doesn't necessarily mean I'm going to listen to or believe that advice without finding out more information.

I probably wouldn't tell anyone and I would do everything in my power to prolong my life until I no longer could. That's how I'd spend my remaining days. Fighting. No fear.

• 5. You can have one of the following two things. Which do you choose? Why? Love and Trust.

Trust. If I need to have people around me, I want them to be reliable and true to their words and actions. Love is a fleeting emotion and I could probably do without it.

• 6. You are walking down the street on your way to work. There is a dog drowning in the canal on the side of the street. Your boss has told you if you are late even once more, you are fired. Do you take the time to save the dogs life? Why or Why not?

One, I am never late. This hypothetical does not apply to me. Two, I would not work for an asshole who would fire me on account of doing a good deed on my way to work. Three, I would call/find someone more qualified than me to come and rescue the dog, rather than putting my own life at risk.

• 7. Would you rather be hurt by the one you trust the most or the one you love the most?

Love is often selfish and cruel. I almost expect to be hurt by the people who claim to love me, because they only see the version of me they want and not my whole self. I would be most upset to be hurt by someone I trusted, because that would be a conscious betrayal and that much worse.

• 8. Your best friend confesses that he/she has feelings for you more than just friendship. He/she is falling in love with you. What do you (or did you) do/say?

I would recognize and validate that person's feelings, but would state in no uncertain terms that I do not feel the same way. They will either respect that decision and not make it weird for me because if they make things uncomfortable I will have to distance myself from them. 

Their feelings are their responsibility and not something I should have to tiptoe around in a friendship.

• 9. Think of the last person who you know that died. You have the chance to give them 1 hour of life back, but you have to give up one year of yours. Do you do it? Why or Why not?

No, because he was not in a good physical state around the time of his death and for him, death was probably a release from suffering.

• 10. Are you the kind of friend that you would want to have as a friend?

Honestly. No. Not really.

• 11. Does love = sex?

Well, unless you have sex with your friends, family, and pets - no. Definitely not. And I don't think romantic love has to include sex either. (Asexual FTW!!!)

• 12.Your boss tells your coworker that they have to let them go because of work shortage, and they are the newest employee. You have been there much longer. Your coworker has a family to support and no other means of income. Do you go to your boss and offer to leave the company? Why or Why not?

No. That's just standard business practice unfortunately. No company is going to let go of an employee they've already invested a lot of time and training into. A new employee will have the least amount of time invested and it only makes sense to let them go first. 

Besides, I have a lot of bills and medical payments I need to deal with too. Put yourself and your situation first. You can't help anyone if you're screwing yourself over too.

• 13.When was the last time you told someone HONESTLY how you felt regardless of how difficult it was for you to say? Who was it? What did you have to tell the person?

I like to think I'm pretty honest about my feelings most of the time I actually verbalize them. It's really not difficult for me to do either, once I find the correct wording for what I'm trying to get across. I just say it calmly and straight-forwardly. 

Most recently, I've had to reiterate over and over again that I don't have warm or romantic feelings for my ex and that often, my feelings veer into hateful territory. 

• 14. What would be (or what was) harder for you to tell a member of the opposite sex, you love them or that you do not love them back?

Neither are hard. But the first one would be untrue (I'm not straight) and the second one could have potentially dangerous effects, especially if that man believed he had a right to dictate my feelings and relationship to him.

• 15. What do you think would be the hardest thing for you to give up? Why would it be hard to lose?

Security. Right now I'm dependent on a lot of people who are toxic to me or do not have my best interests at heart. While it's not a good situation, losing all of that will bring about a different kind of stress and fear where I have to stand fully on my own and be accountable for all the things I do or don't manage to do.

• 16. Excluding romantic love, when was the last time you told someone you loved them. Who were they to you?

I haven't told someone I love them in a romantic sense for years, because I don't really experience romantic love and I'm tired of lying. I tell my mom I love her, though.

• 17. If there was one moment and one time in the last month what would you change and why?

I would have called the State healthcare line sooner and got my health insurance situation figured out. I've only got a few days left to get enrolled in healthcare for the year, and it's really stressing me out!

• 18.Imagine it is a dark night, you are alone, it is raining outside, you hear someone walking around outside your window. WHO do you wish was there with you?

They'd have to be walking on air to be outside my window - I'm on the topmost level of my apartment complex. And I wouldn't need anyone there - I'd grab a big knife and keep my finger above the call button to 911 in case anyone had the nerve to try to break in.

The only people I'd need there for me would be the cops.

• 19. Would you give a homeless person CPR if they were dying? Why or Why not?

No, only because I do not know how and am not qualified to give CPR. I could end up doing more damage to that person. I would call the proper authorities for help and obtain assistance from a passerby who is certified. 

• 21.You are holding onto your grandmother’s hand and the hand of a newborn that you do not know as they hang over the edge of a cliff. You have to let one go to save the other. Who do you let fall to their death? What was your rationale for making the decision?

Maybe I would let them both go? I am in no position to decide who lives or dies over another - I am not Anubis. I do not judge souls. 

That said, I would WANT to save my grandmother. She's been dead for years and her death was unnecessarily. If I could spare her from that, I would easily.

• 22. Are you old fashioned?

Decidedly not. I genuinely think I was born a few decades too early. I am too progressive sometimes.

• 23. When was the last time you were nice to someone and did NOT expect anything in return for it?

Pretty much anytime I do something considered "nice" - I'm not doing it because I expect a favor. I do it because that's what is expected. Because that's just how a civilized society works. You take care of each other - it benefits everyone.

• 24.Which would you choose, true love with a guarantee of a broken heart, or never loved at all? Why?

I would prefer to never love. I don't need to have a "true love" to feel complete or happy. I can do that all by myself and live a full life. (Asexuals and Aromantics FTW!)

• 25.If you could do anything or wish anything, what would it be?

I wish I could afford to travel more. I'd love to spend a year or two in different parts of the world - like Korea and Japan, maybe The Netherlands, or in Norway. I'd like to visit Ireland too and buy a castle that I can retire in, filled with books and tea and cats. 

Wish in one hand, reality in the other. Which do you think weighs more?

For this Deep Questions blog challenge, I tag:

Lexi Vranick

Ellen Ricks

A Red Hair Girl

Life It or Not

Cara Lisette