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Dear Readers, I feel like a fraud.



Dear Readers,

It's been a rough week.

Actually, it's been a really rough month and a half.

I haven't been unemployed this long in years. And the last time I didn't have a job and a structured routine, I was in a really dark place. My mental health was at an all time low back then and I used to think about suicide, or just giving up, a lot.

I feel like I've been slipping back into that head-space again. And I'm not sure how to stop it.

Being unemployed and stuck at home can give you a lot to think about and reflect on what you want out of your life. It can also make it really easy to spiral down into bad habits - like drinking every night, bingeing Netflix and ignoring all the dishes piling up, and eating microwave popcorn instead of real food for three nights in a row.

It's been a few days since I've showered, too.

So much of my stress lately is tied up in job hunting. Do you know how difficult it is just to get an interview when you only have a few years of really basic social media marketing experience and some unfinished education credentials to put forward? There's a plethora of jobs out there in this field right now but suddenly, it seems like I'm not really qualified for any of them.

I've had two interviews and one (almost) job offer. I feel like a fraud - like, I don't really deserve to be part of this industry and maybe I should just go back to stocking shelves at a grocery store. Oh, but according to Aldi - I'm overqualified now. They won't hire me either.

Rock and a hard place, folks. This is the definition.

Before you @ me, look, I know this is probably the Imposter Syndrome talking and I know that I can probably beef up my portfolio a little bit with some freelance or remote work as well. It's just really hard to have any motivation to do this when you're in a bad depressive funk.

I've had an Affiliate Marketing webinar sitting open in my browser for over an hour now and I haven't watched it. Prime example of how depression steals all of your energy and focus. Instead, I've got a Youtube playlist of The Try Guys cycling on another open tab. I'm barely even watching that.

Feels like I don't even deserve the leading role in the play that is my own life anymore....

What do you usually do when you feel down and need to motivate yourself? How do you convince yourself not to give up. Please share with me and your fellow reader how you keep going when times are tough.


Sincerely Yours,

Mykki




Comments

  1. Well I am not going to pretend to have all the answers, but my recommendation would be to take a walk every day. Regardless of weather with the exception of a downpour. It can be short, just get yourself outside and moving a little bit every day. (And telling yourself it can be a short walk makes it a lot easier/realistic to actually do it daily).

    Take a shower tonite or tomorrow morning, and tomorrow morning get dressed in a comfortable but clean outfit. I guess what I'm getting at is personally, just getting cleaned up totally changes my mindset. Btw I love the photo you chose for this post :)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Damn...I guess this post went up at a good time, because it's no longer subzero temperatures outside, so I probably should start going for walks again. Or at the very least use the treadmill in the exercise room to get my blood moving.

      I'll take a shower tonight, and I'll pretend you held me to that in all earnestness. Thanks!

      Delete
  2. Oh honey this is a GIFT! I have been "unemployed" for years due to health issues. It is HARD not to let it get to you, until you realize the TIME you now have to chase down other, life-defining options and redefine yourself! Time to do the self-work. Time to get it together...and be ready to hit the world FULL FORCE. It is a gift, if you can train your mind to see it that way.

    I know your pain, but I also know that gifts can be found in dark places.

    Christina
    Fiddleheads & Floss blog
    https://fiddleheadsnfloss.com/

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. It would be a gift if I wasn't solely responsible for the rent, bills, and taking care of other people. If it was just myself that would end up homeless as a result of being unemployed, I guess I wouldn't be as bothered. But that's not my situation...I'm a caregiver.

      So this....is a bit of an issue. Unfortunately...

      Delete
  3. Oh boy, I know very well what this feels like, but I'm not sure if I'm going to be much help because I actually choose a bad way to keep going and keep getting things done. I pretty much just force myself and it doesn't matter how I feel or how little I want to do something. Sometimes it would get so bad that I would sit there with tears running down my face and my hands shaking for hours upon hours as I worked on whatever I needed to do.

    The only thing that really helps me is that I know that the low period will pass even if it doesn't feel like it. All my lows have eventually passed and so I try to convince my brain that this one will too even if my emotions tell me that I'm a liar and that this time is different. And when I'm out, I'm usually glad I didn't let things fall apart too badly even if it cost me every ounce of will to keep just a fraction of my life together.

    Kathrin | Polar Bear Style

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. No, no, no - this was exactly what I needed to hear. Because sometimes the only way we get through bad times is by forcing ourselves to do what needs to be done. Even if we don't want to do it.

      I think you are an incredibly strong person for being able to force yourself through all the bad shit. :)

      Delete
  4. Thank you for your kind words. I didn't realize it, but I actually need to hear that :) I'm glad I was able to help a little.

    I really hope that this dark time will pass for you soon...

    ReplyDelete
  5. I just thought I would only rewrite the positive part of my deleted comment: I believe you are VERY clever. The "normative" workplace just doesn't realize how much you are. xxx

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Just to be clear...the negative part was not about you but about my own workplace experience and I thought it wouldn't help much.

      Delete
    2. Thank you, I appreciate your sentiment.

      Delete

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