Body Positivity and Self Love as a Nonbinary Person

Content Warning: Discussions on weight, body size, dysphoria, gender identity, self-harm, and mental illness


According to Wikipedia, Body Positivity is a social movement rooted in the belief that all humans should have a positive body image, while challenging the ways in which society presents and views the physical body.

You're living under a rock if you haven't at least heard of this concept.

And it's true - we should feel good about the body we live in. Barring one's thoughts on reincarnation, this might be the only body we get to experience the physical world in and we deserve to feel at home and comfortable in our skin.

The body positivity movement wouldn't exist if so many of us didn't though.

It's about more than just weight.

I'm not going to tiptoe around what I want to say here  - you've read the blog title so I'm sure you've got a pretty good understanding of where I'm going with this.

Bodies are wonderful marvels of the natural world.

Bodies are also subjected to incredibly arbitrary social constructs.

And bodies are gendered.

If you want a deeper understanding of sex vs gender, allow me to direct you here.

For the most part, body positivity has been centered around weight and body size. In a society that still shames people for not meeting an idealized version of what an attractive or "healthy" body looks like, finding validation that you are worthy of love and basic respect just as you are has been integral to creating safe little pockets in the world for people to just...exist. How glorious!

Body positivity pushes for representation of all body types in media, fashion, and the beauty industry. This is wonderful! But a lot of the language within this movement is still incredibly...gendered.

"Real women have ________."
"Real men have ________."
"Women's bodies are ________."
"Men's bodies are ________."

Fill in the blank, of course, but the two non variable terms here are men and women. Where does that leave the rest of us?

How do I love a body I don't connect with?

This is probably not going to shock any of you, but I was assigned female at birth (AFAB). I have a body that is regularly coded and perceived as feminine. I have a hard time getting people to use my pronouns or my preferred name, especially in the real world. I have a hard time...shopping.

Why do we still have clothing sections separated by gender? Why are bras and undergarments referred to as "intimates"? Jesus Christ, this kind of thing triggers my dysphoria. So I'm stuck shopping for clothing in the Women's Section (because that's what fits me) and trying on 32D bras often given sexy lady names (like the Isabel Bra or something equally cringe-worthy) and it is in those moments that I hate my body the most.

So excuse me if I haven't gone undergarment shopping properly in a while. I really don't like being stuck in a loop of researching the best plastic surgeons for breast reductions in the Twin Cities and weighing the pros and cons of cost and recovery time.

And if I'm not doing that, then I'm starving myself or spending way too much time on cardio in an attempt to reduce anything at all. This one's about to get dark, y'all: I even end up blaming myself for being sexually assaulted. Because my body looks a certain way, is desired a certain way, etc. Because I don't fit in it...so maybe I deserved to be punished for being different.

Rationally, I know this isn't true and NO ONE deserves to be violated. I also know these awful intrusive thoughts are part of a deeper network of serious mental health issues and I'm working on that. Okay?

 Sometimes, you've just gotta shift your perspective.

Society sucks. I'm not going to sugarcoat that and dance around this reality. And it can be damn hard to push back against a paradigm that is convinced you either shouldn't exist or that you don't in the first place.

But here's a not-so-secret secret: You know yourself best. You know who you are, you know what definition best suits you, and you know that you're real. Or maybe you're still figuring that out and that's okay too!

The first step to self-love is acceptance. 

Accept and acknowledge that you are valid and that your identity matters. Accept that the world may not respect that and keep living your truth anyways. It might not get easier, but you will get stronger.

Engage in physical activity you enjoy.

I never thought that yoga and pilates would be for me. I had to tackle my own internalized sexism to overcome seeing these two forms of movement as girly. But yoga allows me to connect with my body in a way that is free of judgement and perception - to simply allow it to exist. And pilates will work out muscles you didn't know you had and didn't know could hurt.

Your body belongs to you, and no one else.

I don't think anyone can really escape body policing, but I do think women and those perceived as women tend to have it worse. People will comment on your body. But no matter what they say, it belongs to you. It is your temple and you can choose to decorate it in any fashion that pleases you. You choose what goes in or around it. Hell, you can even choose what you want to call it.


Check out these other great resources on body posivity:

What does body positivity actually mean?

Why the body positivity movement is turning people off.

7 Ways it can be more inclusive of nonbinary identities.

Gender Dysphoria and Body Positivity





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